The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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