My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
