mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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