Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And then my night got REAL pukey
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
