My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize