Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
