How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love having hate sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
