Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize