What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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