Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
