What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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