you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
