It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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