Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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