I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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