there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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