Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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