so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize