Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
