is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
being pregnant is like rehab
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
