New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
