Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize