why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
