I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
