So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
