He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
