after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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