ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
