ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
