"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
