I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
