I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
