Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize