i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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