I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
