Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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