Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
