I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
