I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
