hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Send help, water and tortillas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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