I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
