I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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