I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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