Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
as a side note pls kill me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
