Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
please don't ironically join a cult
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