worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
