Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
