yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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