When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize