did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
