They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
