maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
