everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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