butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
