And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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