So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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