You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
