talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
