can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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