The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
