Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
