She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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