Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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