Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
