I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
