I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
