Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
