Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
