Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
