Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FUCK WHALES
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
