Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize