HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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