i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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