Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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