you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
they're like a gay fantastic four
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
