Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize