He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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