Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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